It's just amazing how life can throw you a wrench right when you just think things are going to be all right. This is not the first time I've reached a crossroad in my life. Being on my third marriage, I know a thing or two about feeling loss, disappointment, blame, anger, numbness and so much more negative feelings to know that I don't want to go down that road again.

I have made up my mind  this time, I am going to fly solo. Knowing what I know today and the wisdom I have gained over the years, it's futile to throw blame and trying to justify to family members and friends why you're breaking up your 20 year marriage. Like it will make people feel better to know why. How can you explain to someone in one conversation what went wrong over the course of 20 years, it's impossible, relationships are complex, let alone trying to explain it over a cup of coffee.

Besides, most friendships you've accumulated over the course of a marriage are mutual friends, why should you put these friendships caught in the middle of a drama that doesn't belong to them. Why can't anyone just remain friends. Same goes for kids, as in my case we have a blended family, both sets of children where young when we met, we formed good relationships with our step kids, why ruin this dynamic, it's got nothing to do with them. Our kids are busy with their own lives, they're starting out families, I have not intention of ruining this for them. Again, it's our story, not theirs to take the burden.

I am not saying that it will be easy, there are obstacles and challenges that will come with this huge change. Areas which I know will be difficult to surmount, but I won't let fear take over, I will remain strong in the eye of the storm. My wellbeing depends on it.The first  and foremost obstacle to deal with, is that, we are running a home based business together for the past 10 years, what to do? The business is not doing so good, for a few reasons that I can enumerate,  but, I won't blame outside circumstances  nor the economy or the weak dollar, for the outcome on where we stand financially.

As much as he would like to remind me the mistakes I made, yes admittedly, I made some bad choices, but part of growing on a personal and business level, is making mistakes, learn from them and move on. Unfortunately, that isn't something that sits well with him, his way of thinking is, mistakes should never have been made in the first place. That's all nice in a perfect world, when one thinks in black and white with no shaded areas, but in the real world of business,  and moving faster than ever in this constant fast pace, one needs to be open and embrace change, otherwise you'll remain stagnant. And if you're not willing to take chances you might as well work for the corporate world, right? But that's a story for another day.

 Day one  of flying solo. I partially packed my office, at least my beloved computer that continually gives me my daily bread, so grateful to that object... loaded the car and came to my daughter's house...
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